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Pre-Wedding Confessions

2/7/2012

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The title of this post is kind of a lie. We've decided to not have a wedding. Before we were engaged, we had talked about a wedding. The more we talked about having one, the more stressed I got. We weren't even engaged yet and I was already stressed. So, to save money, stress, and travel for friends and family, we decided to forego the ceremony. 

Apparently I get stressed fairly easily. I've started planning our post-festivity trip (honeymoon). It's stressful. Finding a good deal on flights and hotels... It's a chore. I've done a lot of trip planning in my life, but never for such an occasion. I've also never had to book hotels. The destination is going to be a mystery for now, but I can say that we plan on spending a week in a castle. :)

So, these are my confessions:
  • Getting married is hard work. I feel like engagement is like practice. You work hard in your engagement, planning your life together and learning more about each other when you reach your highest highs and lowest lows. Then marriage is a constant learning process... I am guessing. :)
  • I love introducing TC as my fiancee. I am so excited to start introducing him as my husband. 
  • When I was in high school (I was recently reminded of this) I said that my ideal man would be someone who would travel with me, but someone who would also be okay with me being gone for a couple weeks. I have found this person. He's not perfect, and I'm not perfect. We are perfect for each other.
  • Being engaged is extremely rewarding with lots to look forward to, but it's hard work.  
  • In Colorado, you can be your own officiant. This means that we can just fill out the paperwork and go do our own thing... climb a mountain, explore some ruins etc... and say our vows to each other there. 
  • Watching Bridezillas is one of my guilty pleasures. I've watched it for years. For years I've held the hope that someday I would get married. These two things are connected. Every episode I watched I would think, "Well, these crazy people are getting married... there's still hope for me!" I still watch Bridezillas, but now I watch it with a sense of relief that I will never have to go through that. 
  • Assuming that people live to be 100. Say two people get married at the age of 25. That's three quarters of your life spent with someone else. At the end, you spent more time with this other person than you have with yourself. This has always seemed strange to me. Now I can't imagine spending that much time with myself. I can't even handle being gone for 2 weeks. 
  • Have I mentioned that committing yourself to someone else is hard work? I wouldn't have it any other way. TC has this smile... this giggle... just thinking about it makes me smile. I love him more than I ever thought I was capable. :)

Am I nervous? Of course. Do I doubt my decisions? Not at all. 

P.S. We've decided to make it official in mid May. :) a little over 3 months and counting!
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A Personal Question: Part Two

3/30/2011

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I have already done a "ones we love" blog, and this could potentially become a series. If that is the case, this would be the second part of that series.

So, here's my question: Why do we hurt the ones we love?

There are a billion answers that spring to my mind, but I can't place much credence on any of them. It doesn't make sense. Why would you want to hurt someone you love?

That's just it. You don't. People never intend to hurt their loved ones. What I think actually happens is that the people we love have such high expectations and hope for and with us that, because we are doomed to fail at least once in our lives, we will end up letting them down. And that hurts.

Another answer I have come up with is that we hurt the ones we love because we don't realize we love them. How many times have you not realized how much you love someone until after they have left? Why is that what it takes? Why can we never truly appreciate what we have when we have it? See previous paragraph for the answer.

So, what can we do to remedy the hurt we may have caused? There is no one right answer to this. I wish there was some kind of pill or drink that will take it away, but most often those things just mask the hurt.

This seems like a really pessimistic view of human relationships. It's not. On the other side of hurt there is hope and reconciliation. On the other side of hurt, there is a great potential for something greater than before. I highly doubt it will be an immediate return. Like most things, it takes time.
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If you disagree with me, let me know. If you agree with me, let me know. If you have vast seas of insight on this topic, share it, please. :)
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VD

2/11/2011

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 As you all know, this is the season of growth and twitterpation (which, according to spell check, is not a real word). Spring is in the air, the groundhog has determined the length of winter, and rivers will soon be dyed green.

I was doing my best to not acknowledge Valentine's Day this year, but I just can't do it. As much as I'm never overly thrilled with Valentine's Day, I can't help but get caught up in it. There is a feeling in the air that is totally contagious (there is a reason I call it VD... Valentine's Day). People are pairing off and giving gifts for the sake of appreciating each other. It's hard to be a humbug about that. I do not, however, appreciate the ridiculous commercialism, the sense of obligation, and the wastefulness of the day. Instead of buying cut flowers this year, perhaps a potted plant would be better? 

Since I'm not in a relationship and am not a mobster, I can't guarantee I will actually be doing anything besides working on Valentine's Day. What can I say? If my job were a person, we would be honorary conjoined twins because we spend so much time together. Maybe I'll buy my job a potted plant... 
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A Personal Question

10/11/2010

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Why do we try to change the ones we love?

This is something that I have never understood.  I mean, you love that person the way they are, so why would you want them to change? Sure, everyone has those nasty little habits that certain people may find repulsive or downright strange.  I'm slightly obsessive about alphabetizing things.  When I was a kid, I would alphabetize my crayons. This, I am well aware, is not my most charming characteristic. I have other quirks that I hope you never have to find out about.  The point is, you love someone because they are different, because they have a different way of thinking, because they can put up with you. Why try to make them more like you? Isn't one enough?

Don't get me wrong, I know that sacrifice is a part of any human relationship, but sacrifice doesn't equal change. 

I think one of the reasons my sister and I get along so well now is because we spent years trying to change the other person until we learned to accept each other for who we really are. When I was a kid, I wanted nothing more than to be just like my big sister. She, I'm sure, wanted me to leaver her alone. ;) I tried to change who I was to be more like her. I was talking to her the other day on the phone about my inability to have normal human relationships.  She made it a point to say, "You can tell me anything, and I won't judge you." I had always assumed that, but it really resonated with me.  I don't know if it was hearing it out loud that did it. It meant so much to me because my sister and I have chosen very different paths in life. It's easy to judge someone who isn't like you.  So, it took several... decades... but we reached the point where we don't want to change each other, we accept each other for the different, awesome people we are.

So, I ask again: Why do we try to change the ones we love?
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Fondness in Forgetfulness

2/17/2010

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I have a theory.

I was thinking about the phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I've never liked the phrase, I think its rubbish. Absence makes the heart forget more like. And in some weird, twisted way, the two sayings are the same.

The reason absence makes the heart grow fonder (keep in mind, this is my theory) is because the more time you spend apart from someone you care about, the more you want to think positively of your time together. When you focus on the good parts of the relationship, you forget the little things that drove you crazy. In your mind, you put the other person on a pedestal, and by doing so are more reminded of the good. And so, your heart grows fonder. At the same time though, you are forgetting those little faults that make people human. So, in a sense, the heart does grow fonder, but that's because it forgets.
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